Twenty-Five Unhelpful Things about Dimitri

One would've expected those damnable e-mail questionnaires to have died out with the advent of social networking websites such as Facebook and MySpace, but a new self-obsessed chain letter titled Twenty-Five Things about Me somehow made its way to my mailbox.

The title is fairly self-explanatory, but the basic concept is as follows: recipients of any variation of the chain letter detailing twenty-five random things about a particularly self-indulgent friend of theirs must compose a list of their own and harass twenty-five more unsuspecting victims. If enough people participate in this narcissistic endeavour, the spirit of Sadako will be free to resume her reign of terror.

Below is my contribution to the continuing erosion of rudimentary human interaction:

Dimitri is generally unhelpful when it comes to chain letter surveys and the likes.
Dimitri has access to a computer.
Dimitri has an Internet connection.
Dimitri knows how to correctly use his computer and Internet connection, but he's filling out this chain letter instead.
Dimitri has hair, two legs, ten fingers, but not tail.
Dimitri knows the difference between a raccoon and an airplane.
Dimitri likes to refer to himself in the third person.
People would get confused if you referred to yourself in the second person instead.
Dimitri doesn't like redundancy.
Dimitri doesn't like redundancy.
Dimitri likes contradictions, even though he absolutely hates them.
Dimitri is decisively ambivalent.
Dimitri doesn't necessarily know how to count.
Dimitri is currently typing.
Dimitri should use splelchekc.
If Dimitri were a bird, he would not be Dimitri.
If Dimitri were a dog, he would not be a bird.
Are all dogs therefore Dimitri?
No, they're not. That's a stupid question.
Dimitri thinks there are two types of people in this world: those who are a certain way and those who aren't.
Dimitri thinks a person's life can be divided in two: the first part and the second.
Dimitri spelled backwards is irtimiD.
Dimitri has always known what you did last summer... Wait. What?
Dimitri isn't really here.

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