Mindless Midnight Survey: Mindless Midnight Score

Just for the sake of completion, here's an overview of how I did on the Mindless Midnight Originality assessment. My total score is 163 points, which I suspect is well below average. In an originality evaluation, though, that's probably better than an actual average performance.

I put the original instructions in blue for legibility:

All right, first things first: for every question you genuinely answered (which means no variations of "I don't know", "I don't remember", "n/a", or "I can't really answer that"), add 5 points to your score. To those who really couldn't answer the questions, relax: 5 points per question is not dramatic.
31 x 5 = 155. I deliberately failed to answer questions 13, 14, 27, and 31.

Wait. We're not done with the preliminaries. If you're a gal and just thought, "Damn straight, baby!", you just lost 5 points. If you're a guy and thought that, you gained 10 points.
155 + 10 = 165. That's why I added the joke in the first place.

Where was I? Oh, right. You lose 3 points for every time you wrote "n/a" instead of providing a reason as to why you're not answering, even if the reason is stupid. However, if you actually spelled out "not applicable", you gain 5 points for every time you did that.
165 - 0 x 3 = 165. I hate abbreviations.

INFORMAL FORMALITIES

If you answered without using any abbreviation or numerical symbol, you've earned 10 points. If you specified the year, you get 2 points. If you only used numerical symbols and punctuation, you receive 3 points. If your answer fails to meet any of these criteria, you get nothing.
165 + 2 = 167. I still hate abbreviations, but I actually used one here.
If your answer includes your middle name, add 1 point to your score for being precise and/or anal. If your answer includes nicknames, you get 1 point per nickname for broadening the question's apparent boundaries. If your answer includes a philosophical discourse or poetic inquiry like "What's in a name?", you lose 10 points for trying too hard.
167 + 1 x 1 = 168. Most of my monikers were pet names.
If you've not provided an actual name, your severe lack of imagination has cost you 5 points. Subtract now. If your answer includes the name of any biblical villain such as Cain, Judas, or Lucifer, subtract 3 points from your score, you melodramatic fool. If your answer includes any title such as Lord or Master, you also lose 3 points because your ego is getting in the way of your creativity. This criterion includes fictional positions such as Grand Koopa and Jedi. Ironically, if your answer includes the name Darth Vader, I'm giving you 10 points because it's refreshing to meet someone so openly geeky. However, if your answer includes any name from The Lord of the Rings, you lose 40 points.
168 - 0 = 168. I don't think Flippy is in the Bible.
If you specified days and months, add 5 points to your score. I reward the anal. If you answered any variation of "not applicable", you get 20 points. You're funny.
168 + 0 = 168. That's what I get for not doing anal.
If your answer is the same as the previous, subtract 5 points. You might as well have answered "n/a". If your answer is "-1.000542", you get 375 points. I accept no variation.
168 + 0 = 168. I was tempted, but it would've been cheating.

FREDDY VS JASON AND OTHER WORLD-DIVIDING ISSUES

In this section, you lose another 5 points for every time you failed to genuinely answer the question. Really! All you had to do is pick one. I don't care if you don't watch horror movies. That's why I added the character synopses. Subtract 10 points from your score for every time you failed to answer within the question's parameters: if you were given a choice between Elvis and The Beatles, for example, you'd be penalized for answering "Jimmy Hendrix". To be truly original, one must know the difference between being special and being annoying.
168 - 0 x 5 = 168. Not much happening, is there?

Add 100 points to your score no matter what. I don't care.
168 + 100 = 268. The original recipients all answered The Beatles.
100 points was a bit excessive. Subtract 99 points.
268 - 99 = 169. The original recipients all answered Looney Tunes.
If you wrote a lengthy essay to explain your answer, get a life.
169 + "get a life" = 169: "Get a life" holds no value in originality points.
You lose 30 points if your answer is anything other than "breasts", "legs", "pecs", or "butt". There's nothing original about the inability to properly follow simple instructions.
169 - 0 = 169. And we're back to nothing happening for a while.
I like mittens.
169 + mittens = 169. The female recipients all lost 5 points on this one.

MINDIN' THE GUTTER

You lose 5 points if your answer features a bouquet of flowers at any point. If your answer involves more than two people, you gain 1 point per additional person. Kinky.
169 + 0 x 1 = 169. Incidentally, I still like mittens.
Subtract 5 points if you answered any variation of "anything". If your answer mentions any article of clothing with which you have an emotional connection (like lucky socks), add 1 point to your score for every such article. You may be materialistic, but you are peculiar.
169 + 0 x 1 = 169. This is where I should've mentioned the mittens!
If you answered "yes" to the joke question before your real reply, add 10 points to your score.
169 + 0 = 169. I answered it, but not with "yes", so no biscuit.
If your answer involves sex or nudity, add 5 points to your score. Elaborate stunts that failed miserably also get you bonus points, 15 to be precise. If, however, your answer involves a missed opportunity or anything along those lines, subtract 10 points from your score. I asked for something you did, not something you... Uh... Not-did. If you suddenly felt compelled to correct my deliberately bad grammar, subtract 3 points from your score and lighten up.
169 - 3 = 166. Again, that's why I added the joke in the first place.
If your answer makes no mention of sex whatsoever, add 5 points to your score. If you're a gal and answered "anal sex", subtract 5 points. If you're a guy and answered "anal sex", add 10 points. Don't worry, ladies. I'll even the playing field soon enough.
166 + 0 = 166. I'm guessing this wouldn't pass muster with Net Nanny.

ALTERNATE WORLDS THAT DON'T STAR WOLVERINE IN A DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY

If your answer is the same as for the eleventh question, subtract 15 points from your score. Also, if you failed to genuinely answer the question, well, that's just sad.
166 - 0 = 166. People typically have a hard time with this question.
If you're a gal and answered "anal sex", add 10 points to your score. If you're a guy and answered "anal sex", subtract 5 points. I told you I'd even the playing field.
166 - 5 = 161. I meant it as a joke, but humour has its price.
If you answered that you don't remember your dreams, that's not my problem. You lose 15 points.
161 - 0 = 161. I have nothing remotely interesting to state here.
If your answer involves a dystopian future in which mutants have become slaves and Wolverine is one of the few freedom fighters left, subtract 150 points from your score.
161 - 0 = 161. I was so tempted.
Anybody who answered "myself" loses 20 points. I hate you.
161 - 0 = 161. It seems I don't hate myself. Very good.

ART ATTACK! YOU'RE GIVING ME AN ART ATTACK

The title of this section is a lame pun. If you can identify to what even lamer pop song it's referring, you get 1 point. Give yourself another 2 points if you know the recording artist's name.
161 + 1 + 2 = 164. The song is Heart Attack by Olivia Newton-John.

If your answer qualifies as pop art, you gain 3 points. If it qualifies as high art, you lose 2 points. Ironically, the pop art of artist Andy Warhol qualifies as high art. If you don't know whether your answer qualifies as pop or high art, just move on and forget this ever happened.
164 + 3 = 167. Hollywood films are total pop, and I need the points.
Answers featuring performance art get 5 points. If you're not happy about it, you're taking this thing too seriously.
167 + 5 = 172. It's a good thing I get up from that audience.
If your answer is completely devoid of first and second person pronouns, add 5 points to your score.
172 + 0 = 172. The sentence itself may qualify, but not the full answer.
If your joke is sexist (toward either gender), you lose 5 points. If your joke features at least one blond, you lose another 5 points. If your joke involves dead babies, you're sick.
172 - 0 = 172. What if your joke isn't funny?
Obviously, there was no way to be original. You lose 13 points.
172 - 13 = 159. I demand a recount!

FRUITOPIA AND OTHER POP CULTURE REFERENCES

Fine. You get your 13 points back. Stop whining.
159 + 13 = 172. Power to the people!
If you followed your answer "talented" with a moralizing discourse about the fleetingness of wealth and material possessions, you lose 20 points for boring me.
172 - 20 = 152. No discourse, but I am boring myself.
If you referred to a Sunny D commercial, you don't lose any points, but I think you need therapy.
152 - 0 = 152. "All right, Sunny D!"
You get 10 points for every non-celebrity on your list. Cha-ching!
152 + 2 x 10 = 172. Three were famous in their fictional worlds.
If you put "has to be human" as one of the rules, you lose 6 points. You're not funny. You're not.
172 - 0 = 172. But I wasn't funny either.

ADULT CONTEMPORARY, COMIC BOOK ANNUAL, OR ANY OTHER EXPRESSION MEANING,
"I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT THIS"

If you answered with a discourse on how life has no meaning and we should just enjoy existence without inventing or searching for deeper significances and blah, blah, blah, subtract 75 points from your score because you're not answering the question. I didn't ask for the meaning of life. I asked for the meaning of YOUR life, and you can't claim your life is meaningless because you're living it with ambitions, principles, and values that inject meaning into it. Not answering a question you were asked is not original. I should know. I used to work at a call center and people not-answered me all the time. If you suddenly felt compelled to correct my deliberately bad grammar, subtract 9 points from your score. You fell for it twice now.
172 - 9 = 163. As usual, that's why I put the joke there.
If your answer involves food, you lose 5 points and gain 10 pounds.
163 - 0 = 163. How'd you go about converting pounds into points?
If your answer involves food, you lose 5 points and gain 20 pounds.
163 - 0 = 163. This is so excruciatingly long!
If you just gained 30 pounds according to my scoring system, I think it's time to get those Winsor Pilates tapes out. What does it have to do with the question? Absolutely nothing.
163 - Winsor Pilates tape = 163. Is it over yet? Can I watch TV?
Compare your answer with that of the first question. If you completed the survey in less than an hour, add 10 points to your score. If you completed it in less than half an hour, add 20 points. If it took you more than two weeks, add 5 points. Okay then, we're done.
163 + 0 = 163. And that's my final score!

Previous page

Back to the DE Expressions archive