Crazy Survey: Crazy Answers

When we wrote our spam spoof, Crazy Survey, Nicolas and I agreed to distribute it with our respective answers in order to maintain the illusion that it was a genuine e-mail questionnaire.

You can find my answers below. I put the original survey in blue for easy reading:

You may be familiar with this form of Internet harassment. The point is to copy the questions below, put in your own answers, and forward them to a bunch of people who, trust me, really don't care. I was never sure what you win, but, I mean, what are your chances anyway, right?

Of all the questions in the survey so far, which is your favourite?
"I mean, what are your chances anyway, right?"
Run around the building containing the computer you are using now. How long did it take you?
My computer is a magic box that cannot be contained!
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
It depends. Would wood chuck a woodchuck's chuck?
If you were to die, what three people would you haunt for the rest of their sane lives?
Three very old folk so that it doesn't take too long.
Sushi or psychonantrum-enforced psyonic filter?
Sushi. The other thing would make me look like a dork.
What is the present value of the Hubble constant, rounded to the closest km/(sec.*Mpc)? If you don't know, just write, "I am a stupid moron."
Between 50 and 100, a factor of two in range! Some have been arguing 55 for almost ten years now.
If you could kill any movie star of your choice, what sort of blade would you use to gut Pauly Shore?
The sharp metaphoric blade of an honest and intelligent review.
Vanilla or chocolate sauce on your spaghetti?
Vanilla on spaghetti is fine. Just add a sauce (white, meat, or tomato).
What is your favourite reason why The WB's Birds of Prey sucked?
A thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters can throw faeces at each other. There was no real reason to test the theory.
What happened to Question 10?
One of the writers requested it be modified. The other was too lazy so instead deleted it. That's my guess.
If your best friend/significant other/pet dog were kidnapped and the ransom were $250,000, how would you get the money?
I'd kidnap the kidnapper's best friend/significant other/pet dog and ask for a ransom of $275,000 ($250,000 + administrative costs).
Why aren't you answering this question?
I like mittens.
Have you ever faked a British accent?
Yeh, oy 'ave, guv'nor.
If you could have sex with anyone in the world, what makes you think I'd want anything to do with you?
Come on, everybody wants me.
Has a British accent ever faked you?
Yes.
Shut down your browser. How are you supposed to complete the survey now, genius?
By copy-pasting the questions onto a text file. You couldn't fool me!
You've just won a trip around the world, but the most annoying person you know is coming along. Do you go, and how do you get rid of the body?
No, and I hide it in delicious cupcakes that I serve to Girl Scouts everywhere.
Who wrote this question?
Seeing as how I had to retype it, I'm pretty sure I did.
What colour shirt will you be wearing in five days?
When it comes to seeing into the future, I often refer to my magic eight ball: "All signs point to yes."
If you could define the essence of your existence in a series of decimals, what would it be?
0.1000542.
If you had the opportunity to meet your favourite movie star, what would you eat for breakfast?
Something with lots of mint in it.
Are you anal retentive? Structure your answer in four parts with the fourth part first and the third part fourth. Include a table of contents and a title page.
Complete this word: C _ _ _
Ola!
Why are you still reading this crap?
See Section I (third spot) of my answer to Question 23.

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